Lost Her (Lost #1) Read online

  “What is it with you and mud Olivia, and white 41 year old men with dreadlocks?” he asks laughing.

  As my father finished that sentence, Ryan joined us propping himself up leaning against the bar. “Livi, you told Henry about your mud bath fall the other night?” I shake my head no at Ryan knowing that my father meant something different with the mud in our conversation. Daddy looks at me with very curious eyes but remains silent.

  Ryan waves his hand at Rosalie to get her attention, “Where is your special bottle?” She walks over with keys in her hand bending over to open a locked cabinet. I watch my father seeing that he is completely checking Rosalie out as she bends down to open the cabinet. I shake my head from side to side trying to erase that image of what I just saw. I look across at Ryan and the smirk on his face is pissing me off. Ryan nods at me which he is confirming my thoughts. Oh no, God help me, Dad is into Rosalie. Somehow when Rosalie stands back up with the 30 year old scotch in hand, her top seems to be lowered. My jaw drops as I watch Rosalie sway her hips walking towards my father to pour him his drink. My head jerks all around trying to comprehend my father hitting on Rosalie and she is playing her part which I have never seen before. Ryan is humorously watching my shock ridden expression.

  He comes over to me leaning down to my ear, “Nearly three hours that I have ridden with them and they flirted the whole way back to the Cantina.” I turn my head looking at him as he just offers a wink of his one eye and bats those amazing eyelashes over his stunning green vibrant eyes.

  Rosalie pours us all drinks and we toast to finding lost loves. I think to myself that I must be tired. All this, everything happening at the Cantina is sounding cheesy. My father sees my eyes realizing that I need to have that alone time with him. He leans toward me, “Olivia, I am exhausted. Where am I sleeping tonight?”

  I go over to Ryan taking my Land Cruiser keys from his cargo shorts pocket that I locate by my frisk down.

  Rosalie comes over to me, “Please take me home too. I am exhausted.” I nod walking over to Ryan to let him know that I am driving them home and to keep running the Cantina until I get back.

  I go to Rosalie whispering in her ear, “We got this covered, let me take you home.” My father reads my movement and grabs the bottle of scotch.

  He turns to Rosalie, “I will pay you for this later. My girl and I need to talk at your home if you do not mind.” She nods as we all pile in the Land Cruiser.

  I drive up to Rosalie’s home which I am always amazed with her front porch with rocking chairs overlooking the sea. I help unload my father’s belongings to the porch. He turns to Rosalie requesting so politely for three glasses. My father motions to the rocking chairs. I follow him as he is pulling a bag with him. We both sit and Rosalie joins us with three glasses. She seats herself on her wooden coffee table looking right at us.

  Daddy pours 3 scotches, and raises his glass into the air, “Surprise, Olivia, Lizi Mac has been declared the Goddess of Metal for this year. The CD has gone platinum. I am so proud of you and that freaky horror movie loving kid from down the road.” I look at my father completely confused leaning towards him that I need to hear that again. He turns to his bag pulling out a magazine, a Loudwire magazine, my favorite magazine. He has a Post-it in the magazine for a bookmark to a page, and then he turns to it. I lift the magazine to my face to read it in the very dim light. All I can do is scream as I am jumping up and down like I was 18 years old again.

  I speak excitedly, “Daddy, they love my music, the public understands my pain that I sing about.” My father holds his iPad close to his chest then presses his finger to watch a music video. My lovely song that I wrote is playing and my father looks up at me.

  I am so proud of myself, but I see my father’s pain as he speaks, “Ryan does not know yet that you have broadcasted your racy emotions to the world and run around nearly naked?” I look at my father, with a sense that I have let him down too. He reaches for his glass drinking it down fast and speaks to me in a quiet voice, “He is going to have to know that you are freaky and run around naked on music television.”

  Rosalie looks at me with a shocked face. “Olivia, I am sorry, I know he is very jealous right now. He is not going to handle this well. Are you really naked on TV?” she asks.

  I look down to say yes to confirm her suspicions. “I am topless, but covered. I love my art, my music and when I was in a very bad place Ryan insisted that I go back to find what I love, to play with Chris to pursue my music.”

  Henry sits up interjecting, “Are sure Ryan would be alright with this? You are broadcasting your dark and freaky sex life to the world?”

  Not being shy at all, and I respond, “Daddy, are you really telling me that you did not have pet names for mom during when you were having sex?”

  I look at my father for a moment while he blushes leaning in towards me, “Really honey, Ryan calls you a whore as a pet name? He really is his mother’s son.”

  I laugh, but being serious, “Daddy, that is who I am and mostly all of my tracks are about him anyway.”

  He was looking worried and speaks out,” Olivia, you have screwed up too much with that boy with keeping things to yourself. Just tell him tonight, please, who you are and what you have done with your art before it blows up in your face. If you are sure that you love him, you could lose him forever with your secrets. I know no one knows this is you and you have done a great job concealing your identity. If Katie finds out, your secret life will be known to all.”

  I nod, “Ryan always hated my music. He made fun of it when we were dating. He said I really sucked.”

  Rosalie puts her hand over her mouth, “That is very harsh and coming from his mouth that must have really hurt you.”

  “Yes it did, because I loved him and I loved my music too. I kept telling him it was my outlet like his sports were to him. He did understand though and he knew that Chris and I were playing in some venues. He never came to see me at any of the venues after we were married and told me it was my thing, not his. Then I stopped watching him play hockey. I felt that I was not going to support him if he was not going to support me.”

  My dad leans into his back pulling out a CD and he reaches across to hand it to me, “Chris brought this to the house along with the magazine. He needs you to call him immediately. Also, we had to set up a bank account for your royalty money, since you wiped out your account from Ryan. Chris assumed that you were getting divorced when you chose to do this project with him. You need to figure out how to proceed and not let your friends down.”

  I nod at him looking over the cd and Rosalie take it from my hands. She looks at me wearily holding up the CD. “This is not going to go over well with Ryan. I see how he is with you, being protective and loses his mind if you are not covered up. He is hot headed and it is making him crazy now that one man lusts after you. Now you are adding fans to the mix. You said that he was fine with this in the past?”

  My dad speaks, “She was never this over the top. She would wear silly frilly prom dresses to her shows.”

  “Well, Daddy, like you said, I cannot let my band down. I am also not leaving here. I will have to work this out with Ryan, Maybe, I can get him to be our lawyer,” I say upbeat.

  Daddy is shaking his head from side to side, “No, the band already has a lawyer. I am representing your band. I wanted to make sure that you follow your dreams. I thought with me being by your side, Ryan would have less of a fighting chance of persuading you to not follow through.”

  Rosalie looks over to me, “I am not saying that he bullies you or anything. He has a way of making you change your direction that best suits him. You are really going to have to stand your ground.” I listen carefully and agree.

  Daddy then laughs out, “Ryan is extremely competitive and he does not like to lose. Olivia, remember that time he withheld sex from you for a month because he was mad when you beat him in the court room?”

  I look up surprised, “How did you know about that?”


  Dad takes another swig of scotch, “Your brothers. They tell me everything. They even told me when you lost your virginity in high school to Tyler, Chris’s brother?” Embarrassed, I nod yes. Dad continues, “Tyler ran his mouth a lot about the two years you were together. Oh the stories I would hear at the clubhouse about my own daughter. That is why Ryan is not allowed at the club house to play golf. He tried to rip Tyler’s throat out when he was talking about you.”

  My mouth falls open, “I never knew.”

  “I am surprised Chris did not tell you or your brothers. I think your brothers set up that meeting so there would be a scuffle. They were tired of Tyler’s mouth,” he says yawning.

  That is my cue to get out of there since we have a big day tomorrow. “I am heading out. See you both tomorrow morning for Parker’s big birthday outing.” I give my dad a kiss and hug Rosalie good bye.

  As I drive back to the Cantina, I keep thinking about what Rosalie said regarding Ryan’s temper. I have to figure out how to let him know that my band has kind of made it. I pull up seeing that Ryan has closed up the front of the bar. I walk around to the back, and stop to see Ryan at the sink. I firmly place my hip to the door molding leaning watching Ryan wash the large pots. He has his shirt off and his cargo shorts are hanging low since he has no belt on. I continue to watch him in silence with his muscles flexing in his back while he is scrubbing the pots. I am completely turned on and take two steps further into the kitchen. I slam the door closed to make myself known. He glances over his shoulder to me standing there and he knows I am watching him.

  He smirks sexually toward me and returns to washing. I am walking toward the sink until I am behind him. I wrap my arms around him from behind pressing kisses between his shoulder blades. He turns off the water. He spins around grabbing in me in embrace. He lifts me up to the stainless steel work area counter and places his hand on my crotch. He starts to pull off my shorts and underwear in the same motion as he has done so many times before. I feel his hands all over my breasts while I am digging my nails in to his buttocks. I am kissing him all over his unshaven face. He places a palm to my breastbones pushing backwards until I am lying flat on the table. I get lost in all the movement and don’t notice that he is out of his shorts completely ready to go. He grabs my shoulder to pull me close to enter me. He starts to murmur something. When he starts to go he increases his strength wildly taking me. His mouth is at my ear speaking so dirty. His words drive me completely insane as I am meeting him thrust for thrust to where we peak together instantly. I feel completely unraveled and breathless at the same time.

  He pulls away from me to point out that he needs to finish cleaning the pots. I laugh out loud watching him put his shorts back on. I hop off the counter and get dressed. I decide to wait for him to finish his clean up duties outside. I head out to sit in the Land Cruiser.

  Once home, he keeps yawning. To me that was a sign that I was not going to get anymore sex tonight. I grab my bag heading inside. I remove the CD from the bag putting it away immediately.

  Ryan sees me and asks, “What was that?”

  I turn looking at him straight faced, “Chris sent down his CD with Daddy to bring to me. He thinks I will enjoy it. It went multi-platinum.”

  Ryan looks surprised, “Chris, Chris, your band friend neighbor with the hair?” I nod to confirm. “That is odd. I never knew your dad was really talking to him after he moved,” he said sounding shocked.

  “Daddy is representing him for legal counsel for his band,” I say softly.

  Ryan stretches yawning at the same time. “I assume your father is doing that as a favor for you since Chris is like your best friend and all. Who would want to represent him and that crazy music you all like?” I just shrug heading toward bed. I am undressing and I watch Ryan jump into bed looking exhausted.

  I decide to take this moment to my advantage. “Ryan, please remind me tomorrow when I am in calling range to call Chris. Daddy told me that he wants me to check in. Chris has been worried about me.”

  Ryan nods into his pillow, “Remember that you can Skype call now too. Livi, I wanted to ask you this forever. Is Chris gay?” I look at Ryan’s dark face since he tans pretty dark and he has not shaved in days. I gently touch his cheek feeling the needle-like hairs.

  I speak softly to him as I watch him drift off, “No Chris is far from gay, but he is extremely shy with women. He is quite nerdy too as you know.”

  Ryan chuckles, “Chris is completely the opposite of his asshole older brother, Tyler. I ran into him at your father’s house about 4 weeks ago when we were brain storming how to get you home. He was there with your brother, Robert. He was talking shit as always. Saying that he was going to leave his wife, find you first and rock your freaky world like he did so many times in the past. I jumped him and pounded him. Your brothers and father counted to twenty out loud before they pulled me off him. I guess they felt it was a long time coming. Livi, why him? He is such an arrogant asshole. He thinks he is all that and so proud of himself to have taken away your innocence.”

  I laugh, “I guess I just liked the athletic type of aggressive overly confident men. I hate to say this to you, Ryan, but you and Tyler are a lot alike in many ways.”

  Ryan grunts. “Do not ever compare me to that asshole ever again. At least I do not run my mouth about my sex life with you especially in front of your father. I just do not get why your brother is best friends with him. Why did you two break up anyway? I do not think I ever heard the reason or maybe I just forgot.”

  I look down at Ryan kind of shocked that we are having this conversation after being together all these years. “He was abusive and very demeaning to women. When Chris and I were playing at this small bar in town, I wore a new costume that Chris and I made with the sewing machine. Tyler and my brother came to see the show. They were drinking pretty heavily. When the band was done and we were packing up the truck to leave. Tyler came into the parking lot yelling at me about what I was wearing. He was pushing me around. Then he back handed slapped me to the ground and was tearing away my clothing. I was fighting him off. But then Chris and my brother kind of figured it was not play fighting when I bit Tyler and he back handed me again. They ran over pulling him off of me. My brother kicked the crap out of him. Chris took off his coat to cover my naked body and carried me to the truck. He cleaned me up and brought me home. I know my brother tells my father about everything, there are no details, Ryan, of our life together that my dad probably has not heard about. I stopped running to my brother crying on his shoulder a long time ago. He never kept my secrets. He is just as bad as Tyler with that mouth.”

  Ryan is perched up on his elbows with a very sorry look in his eyes, “Livi, I never knew. How come you did not tell me? What did your father do to him?” he asks extremely surprised at what I just told him.

  I look at him. “I know my father had spoken to Tyler’s dad who was a wife beater too. They said I was a dirty little slut and liked it rough. I know that my Dad has already known things from my brother’s conversations. So he just let it go. School was hard for me after that, everyone was gossiping, but most of it was all true. I just focused on school, music and stayed the hell away from boys, until you of course. When we were dating, you said that you did not ever want to hear about my past relationships, it made you too jealous. We only disclosed our count of past partners. It was like 1 man to 300 (I can count that high) women. We just left it at that.” I finish my sentence tickling him.

  He laughs taking me into his arms, “And they called you a slut, I was the slut. Livi, why do I feel like I am learning about you for the first time in my life?”

  I snuggle into his chest, “From day one when we met it has been drama or we have been so busy with life, work and family. Plus, I was too embarrassed of my life to talk about it. I knew I was not a normal girly girl.”

  He places a soft kiss to my temple of my heads, “Normal, nah, but that is what I always love about you, how different that you are than
other women. I always thought you were tough and independent until that day I saw you lying in my bed when you were unconscious, all helpless. That was the day I vowed to myself to protect you forever. I knew then that you were going to be all mine forever and you were not some girl I was passing time away with in college.”

  I pull my head back looking at Ryan, “Wait a minute here. You told me I was forever when we had sex on the train coming back from your hockey camp a few months before that incident.”

  He laughs, “That was the sex talking and not my heart.”

  I pinch him really hard. “Well, I believed you then, that day on the train. I guess your head just did not want to listen to what your heart was telling you all along, jackass.”

  He smiles, full of himself, “This is nice, being alone with you having no distractions for once in our lives. Nowhere to be, no one pounding at our door. No worries.” I smile holding him tighter. I listen to his breathing and I drift off to sleep.

  CHAPTER 11

  Ryan- I awake from Livi’s kiss to my forehead. She smells amazing as I breathe her in. She must have just gotten out of the shower since her heavy blonde wet hair hit me in the face. She whispers,” Coffee is going. I am running down the hill with the dogs. Señor Marquis is going to watch them today. There is no room with more people going today to the park.” I stretch nodding in agreement before rolling back over to fall back to sleep. I hear her calling the dogs from the other room and the front door pulls closed. I stir not wanting to get up and I look at the clock just wanting to sleep in some more.

  I get up waddling to the shower. I take a quick shower and dry off to re-hang the towel up. Still naked, I walk to the kitchen pouring me some coffee. Picking up my laptop from the coffee table, I move over to the kitchen table and start downloading e-mails. I glance at the list and notice that there is one from Katie. I quickly open it thinking there is a problem and read it.