Lost Her (Lost #1) Read online

  Daddy,

  How is it going? Did Grandpa get there and did he kick your ass for being mean to Mommy. Are you being nice to everyone? How is Mommy’s boyfriend, completely hot and sweet Parker? Is she leaving you for the younger guy? Sorry Daddy, just being funny.

  Love you Grumpy,

  Katie

  I stir in my seat thinking for a moment. Am I really not nice to people and am I really grumpy? People really do tip toe around me, don’t they? I remember back when planning Katie’s sweet sixteen party when Katie told me that she did not want my side of the family there. When I asked why, she said they are always brooding and putting people down for having fun. They need to loosen up a bit and smile. It dawned on me right now, she was right. I am always brooding just like my family. Katie was so smart to see that back then and I have been stuck my entire life programmed by my mother that I was the gift to all. She had created me in to this egomaniac, overachieving competitive monster that I am. I hit reply to the e-mail.

  Sweet Katie,

  I love you, you little demon. I am setting you straight right now. Mommy and I love each other very much. I am not getting kicked to the curb. I am hot, powerful and intelligent, just what your mother loves. I am your mother’s boyfriend and that is final. Stop toying with me or I will sell your car and get you a bus pass.

  Love your sweet nice loving father.

  I hit send and continue to read e-mails from work. I purposely have not taken any new cases to work out my life, but other associates always want my opinion on their cases. Maybe I should start charging a consulting fee. I see an e-mail from the realtor that is selling my house of the closing date being pushed further out. I still have not told Livi that I sold the house yet. Henry and I discussed it many times to sell it. He said it held too many bad memories and if I was going to work out my marriage with Livi, we needed a fresh start.

  I was so angry that she left me, but all the fighting was getting us nowhere. Henry was frantic for a while constantly questioning Livi’s friend that set her up with the new life. All I did know was that Livi was staying with Chris in Los Angeles for a month before her passport renewal came. Then she just disappeared. I was kicking myself for not reaching out to her then, but I was angry with her for just running away from me and everyone.

  Henry helped me clean out the house mostly donating all of Briar’s belongings. He then put the house up on the market while I continued to live there stewing in my anger. I stopped talking to my family, they did nothing but try to brainwash me that Livi was no good for me and to see that she caused me the greatest pain.

  Henry had hired a psychiatrist that was making house calls to me. Henry knew I would never see one on my own. He prescribed some medication to help me with my depression and angry thoughts. He said I needed to have balanced thinking to figure out all my issues. The medication was only temporary. I started playing hockey again on my men’s league 5 nights a week and just felt exhausted every night to be angry with her anymore.

  I close my laptop and see a magazine sitting in Livi’s bag. I pull it out seeing that is one of those Rock magazines she liked to read. Her father must have brought it for her. I start thumbing through it when I hear the front door open. Livi walks in looking at me with a shocked expression on her face. Henry is right behind her. He speaks, “Son! That is no way to greet me.” I look down at myself laughing out loud realizing that I am still sitting there naked. I stand up and Henry turns to not see me.

  As I walk to the bedroom closing the door, I am smirking, “My bad.”

  Livi- I am standing there in shock, not because of Ryan being naked when my father and I walked in to the house. He was looking at my magazine. I run over to the table and put the magazine in a safe place. I am sure if he read or looked at the marked page, I would have heard it from him. Maybe he did see it or is just too stupid to put it all together. I turn to see my father who has his arms crossed peering at me, “You better tell him soon.”

  I look at him, “Tomorrow, Daddy. Today is Parker’s birthday and I want everyone to be happy.”

  He walks toward me, “Procrastinator. Do you need me to mediate this one?”

  Ryan walks back in to the room, “Mediate what?”

  I look all nervous and lie, “He wants me to contact Katie to have her stop running her mouth to everyone that I have a boyfriend.”

  Daddy laughs, “Yes, that too. That girl thrives on drama.” Ryan nods in agreement, “She was born into drama. Look at my side of the family. She e-mailed me and I responded telling her to cut it out, but maybe a phone call from you, Livi, would end it for good.”

  Daddy laughs, “Sounds like a plan,” looking from me to Ryan, “I see the doctor helped you see, Ryan, that your family is not the happiest loving people in the world.”

  I am in shock and my mouth just drops open. “Doctor, Ryan?”

  He looks at me embarrassed. “Yes, a psychiatrist. Your father sent him to the house since he knew I was too proud to go seek help. I was angry all the time and depressed. I was not thinking straight.”

  Henry chimes up, “You did not tell her! The both of you just confuse the hell out of me. What have you both been doing since Monday? Five days have passed and you would think you would communicate. Never mind, I know what you have been doing. Please take some time and talk out your problems and issues.”

  Ryan laughs smirking with that cocky attitude, “Yes, in between love making we will talk. She is off of school for the next two weeks so once you leave, I will have one week left here alone with her. We will be all talked out by then to figure out our plans.”

  Daddy looks out at my view of the sea, “I hope it will be sooner than that. I do not want you hurting her and getting all heated again. She needs to be thinking straight from here out. No more running from her problems.”

  Ryan looks at him a little confused, “We have been talking about things and learning history that we never knew before. We never had alone time like this before. It was sports, school, children and careers, it all just consumed us. She told me for the first time about what Tyler did to her. I wish someone would have told me sooner.”

  Daddy looks at Ryan, “It was not my story to tell. It was Olivia’s. I warned her that the boy was bad news. But she likes mischievous men.”

  I jump into the conversation to try to end it before Daddy talks to much, “Ryan, I told you my brother never spared Daddy on details, not even our private details. I could never figure out why he did that.”

  Daddy turns around, “Because he was always jealous of you. He knew you had my heart stronger than he did and he took every chance to make you look bad. Margret said it was sibling rivalry.”

  I look at my father shock, “Wow, he was jealous of me? He always told me that I was breaking your heart and that you wished that I could be just be a good girl.”

  Daddy takes me in his arms hugging me into his chest, “You are a good girl and always have been. You never did anything wrong. You grew up in a home with a bunch of perverted men. I am sorry there were no real female role models for you for you to talk to.”

  I laugh into his hug. “Daddy, it is genetics that made me the way I am. Someone had to be kinky? That desire is just not learned, you have to be born to like it.”

  Daddy chuckles, “You are right, it was me. I wish that Margret filled my desires, but she completely was not into it, but that Rosalie. I felt things that I have been missing since your mother died.”

  I jump three feet back with a nauseated look on my face, “What? Daddy, you didn’t! I am going to be sick!”

  Ryan chiming in not too surprised. “I knew it. I saw something in the way you looked at her. It was a primal look of yearning, but that was way too quick. You just met her yesterday.”

  Daddy looked at Ryan sternly, “We are adults, not adolescents. We have needs and it was quite satisfying.”

  Ryan and I look at each other in disgust, “Eww!” I speak out.

  Daddy turns his gaze on me. “You two t
hink that you are the only two who share passionate desire to tie each other up and take control,” he laughs as he sees the grossed out look in my eyes.

  I speak up, “Not something I want to visualize Daddy. I am out of here. I have to get the coolers together.”

  Ryan runs alongside me, “I have to help her. Make yourself at home, maybe some food for your last night’s workout,” he chuckles out.

  “Ryan, please,” I scream out at him to stop bantering.

  We walk down underneath the house to get the coolers. Ryan grabs my arm pulling me around to talk to me, “It will be fine. Your dad and Rosalie are about the same age, give or take a few years. Rosalie is great looking and who can resist you father’s charm. He leaves in a week, it will be fine. It is just sex, they know that.”

  I look up into Ryan’s eyes, “You are right. I am just afraid that Rosalie does not know what she is getting herself into sexually. I am afraid she will hate me if Daddy crosses that line.”

  Ryan nuzzles my nose, “So it is true what he said about being into S&M? Oh my gosh, how do you know?”

  “I used to hear Margret scream at him that she was not doing certain things and she would call him a pig. She would go back to her home and I would not see her for a few days. I also know that when Daddy thought I was going to be out late with Chris, he brought home a woman. I am not sure if she was paid or not. I came home to get something and apparently they did not hear me come into the house. I saw the woman all dressed in black leather. Daddy was chained to the kitchen cabinet hardware lying across the center island. She was pouring hot wax all over him. She would whip him if he did not thank her. Then there were the porno video tapes that he blamed on my brothers.”

  Ryan’s jaw was on the floor. “How old were you when you witnessed that?”

  I am looking for the cooler when I turned to speak, “Fourteen years old. I didn’t even run or say anything. Chris and I started sneaking the pornos to his house. We were both in awe. I was really turned on by it and I remember Chris saying that he wished his father would do the things like we saw in the porno instead of using his fists on his mother. Chris was so gentle like his mom. Tyler, who I always liked, caught us watching when I was fifteen years old and started to join us in our voyeurism curiosity sessions. He would touch me sometimes even with Chris in the room. I think it was a turn on for us. Before I knew it, I was his girlfriend and I was acting out what we watched. I sure as hell liked it.”

  Ryan was at a loss for words. “Wow, so it does run in your family. Lucky for me that I met you, because having a normal sex life without you would have been quite boring.”

  I hit him in the arm. “Why do you think I had the contractors put sound cancelling insulation in the walls of our home? So our children wouldn’t hear our screams at night.”

  He look at me dumbfounded, “I thought that was because you wanted to sing thrash metal?”

  I laugh, “No, Rye, I did not want them to be scarred from us.”

  Ryan shook his head, “I have to tell you something. It is going to bother you greatly.” He pauses sitting down on a cooler pulling me down to sit next to him, “I caught Briar in the garage receiving oral sex from the girl down the street. I just walked away thinking about when I was his age and kind of proud of him. Then I caught him two weeks later pounding a different girl in the garage over your car. Again, I did not stop him. I did discuss later that night while playing video game about condoms. He said he was good and that he bought a box of one hundred counts. All I could do was hi-five my fourteen year old son.”

  I look at him angrily from keeping that from me, “Like father, like son. You two were really exactly the same!” I am looking down to my feet then back up with tears in my eyes, “Well, there is a part of me that is very happy he got those experiences before he died. I am also happy that you two had that bond. I just wish he wasn’t so nasty all the time. Screaming at me when he did not get his way and he was exactly like you in every detail.”

  Ryan is shaking his head in disagreement, “No, he was a monster just like your brothers.”

  I look Ryan straight in the eye, “Wrong Rye, he was you through and through. Even your mother was so proud of him all the time. She told me over and over again, just like Ryan when he was young. Another thing she said too, I hope this one stays powerful and does not become weakened by a woman like his father did. She said that right in front of me in our home. I was shocked.”

  Ryan wraps his arm around me whispering in my ear, “I am sorry for what my mother said to you. I wish you would have said something to me. I guess everyone is right; Briar was me all over again. I was in denial with his always fighting and being aggressive. Yes, that was me.”

  I kiss Ryan on the lips trying to lighten up the conversation, “You would never have listened to me and you know it. But I know something I think you do not know. On a happy note, your daughter is still a virgin, but I think she may be into some guy. When she was here she told me about her ten year birth control implant. So, we do not have to worry about accidentally becoming grandparents for the next ten years.”

  Ryan looks at me straight in the eye speaking firmly, “That is because Katie wasn’t sure if she liked girls or boys while in school. I just assumed it was a phase and it was. But tell me how effective birth control is nowadays. Remember our accident?”

  I look back away from his stare, “Birth control is much better now. You knew she was experimenting?”

  He looks at me, “Just recently found Noelia and her on the couch,” shaking his head to get the image out of his head, “I questioned her about it later and she said she was still unsure. I sent her and Noelia here for you to try and deal with it.”

  I place my hand over my mouth, “You sent the girls here?”

  Ryan looks at me, “When we learned that you contacted her. I offered to pay for her and a friend to come see you. So, the next call is when you told her to come down. She reported back to your father and me all about your new life. I needed to decide how to proceed.”

  I just shake my head taking in all that he just said, “I guess I did really worry everyone but I was not ready to be divorced adding to my pain. Well, so I ran off to Chris’s in California until I came here.”

  He looks away, “I knew where you were and I was not worried when I knew that Chris had you. I was still working out my demons. Chris said you could stay with his as long as needed or until we came to an agreement. It was after you left with a damn note to Chris is when we all started to freak out.”

  I look at him smugly with a proud sense of always being loved by him, “You all were behind it keeping me safe, huh?” We laugh together hearing my father calling my name. We grab the coolers walking to the Land Cruiser. Daddy comes out to join us smiling at me. I call out to them both as I walk back in the house, “I have to change in to my bathing suit and get bug spray for Rye.” I put a very loosely hanging down tank top over my bikini and pull on shorts. I grab everything I need including my car charger for my cell phone. I walk out the door pulling it closed behind me. Ryan is staring angrily at my top shaking his head from side to side. I hand him the bug spray and say to him, “Get over it. I am not changing.”

  My father laughs out, “In more ways than one.” I glance at him to behave. We all get into the truck and drive down to the Cantina.

  CHAPTER 12

  Ryan- I pull up to the Cantina. We see Rosalie standing on the step with her hands on her hips glaring at us, “You are late and I was getting worried.” Her expression changes to a large grinning smile when Henry gets out of the truck. She walks over to the truck, “They left about 20 minutes ago and they took my Jeep. Let us get the food into the cooler and head up there. The way Ryan drives, we will beat them there.” I laugh at Rosalie while I pull out the coolers out of the Land Cruiser.

  We load in the food and beers. Henry and I carry them back outside placing them in the truck. Rosalie and Livi come back outside. Henry opens the door for Rosalie to climb in to the back
with him. I just shake my head at Livi as we climb into the truck. Rosalie speaks up, “So why were you so late?”

  Henry chuckles, “The kids got lost under the house somewhere for about twenty minutes.”

  I speak up, “Livi and I had a very emotional conversation about Briar. We were discussing things I never realized ever before.” I reach over placing my hand on Livi’s thigh giving her a wink.

  Rosalie leans forward, “That was good, and with small steps you will get there.”

  I speak slowly so Rosalie knows that I understand the method she thinks I should be approaching Livi. “It was enlightening for both of us. I always blamed Livi for the spoiled monster that Briar was thinking he was just like her brothers, wild and crazy. That is why I stayed at work for her to deal with him.”

  Henry speaking out boldly, “No son, Briar was all you. My boys would never be condescending and act over privileged to people. Briar was just as arrogant as you.”

  I glance at Livi seeing her face had that pained look, “I know that now, and I did not know my mother was adding fuel to his fire either. I am so sorry.” I can see Henry nodding in the backseat through the rearview mirror. He seems pleased with my admissions.

  Rosalie leans forward again, “Ryan, were you ever disciplined as a child?”

  I look up not really shocked by her question, “No, never. I rarely every got in trouble. My father slapped my hand once for touching something in a store. My mother laid in to him and told him to never touch me again.”

  Livi speaks up, “Ryan never laid a hand on his own children either. He was a yeller, but Katie respected him. Briar walked all over both of us. I slapped him a few times, but as he got bigger, he began to laugh at my punishment. Daddy smacked him a few times for being nasty to me or Katie when Briar did it in his presence.”