Lost Her (Lost #1) Read online

  I look down at the floor then back up to my father. “He is never going to approve. Let me just spend my final days with him happily. He can’t even get through a day with me in a bikini with getting all crazy jealous.”

  My father shifts his weight to pull my chin up, “He is working on it, truly working on it. Why, honey, would you want to throw it away? I can see he makes you very happy, he always has!” I see Daddy look up at the door to see Ryan walk in to the kitchen. My daddy calls over to Ryan to come over to us. Daddy gives Ryan my arm signaling with the other hand to the back door. “Take her home.” Ryan looks at me with suspicious eyes pulling me away to the truck. He opens my door, places his hands on my hips lifting me in to the seat. He notices the alcohol smell on my breath. He reaches over to pull on my seat belt to click it. Ryan does not move and lightly bites me on the neck. I moan out as he brushes his thumb against my bottom lip. He closes the door and takes me home.

  I walk into the house and it is eerily quiet without the dogs being home. No one is there to greet me at the door with wagging tails. Ryan pushes me in closing the door behind us. I hear it lock. “Do you want to shower or a bath? I can wash your hair regardless,” he drifts off. I turn to him asking for the bath. Knowing fully that Ryan has obsession compulsion issues that he was going to clean the bathtub first, so I know I have time to open a bottle of wine and put in my new CD that Chris sent for me. I have the CD that I am playing very quietly. I open a cabernet mix style of wine which is Ryan’s favorite, the dryer the better.

  I pour two glasses filled to the top walking back to the bathroom. I look at Ryan who is watching the tub fill as I hand him a glass. He takes a drink while he is kneeling next to the outside of the tub. I remove my clothing while Ryan just watches me, sipping his wine. I step in sinking into the hot water. He is washing my hair letting the soap pool on my breasts. I take another gulp of my wine. I was feeling buzzed, the tequila and wine hit me fast. I put my glass down before I put my head down for him to caress my scalp with more shampoo. I was feeling complete relaxed and started singing along with the music CD playing in the living room.

  He stops washing my hair grabbing my chin to look up at him. He looks me dead in the eye, “Chris’s new band right?” I nod in agreement then he pulls my chin higher, “That is you singing on Chris’s CD?”

  I look into Ryan’s eyes to try to read his expressions and it appears to me that he is shocked. When he is stressed or angry he wears it in his eyes which make a frown line in his forehead. I notice the frown line is back after being gone for a few days. I just nod in agreement to his question. He takes his glass in the other hand drinking down his entire glass of wine.

  He peers into my eyes. “On how many tracks are you singing, Livi?”

  I look up at him saying, “I sang on fourteen tracks.”

  He keeps pulling at my face to look him in the eye, “How many songs are on this CD, Livi?”

  I look into his angry glassy eyes slurring out, “Fourteen.”

  He shakes his head in disbelief, “Livi, how many of the songs are about me?”

  I lean in kissing him boldly then pulling away, “All of them!”

  He slaps his hand down on the side of the tub looking me in the eye, “Honey, I assume that this is the platinum album you all have been talking about and that your father is representing.”

  I look up at him. “I guess you are really listening to the words. Are you mad?”

  He looks at me, “I could I not hear the words, but you are singing right in front of me along with the music. I know you all too well. Every song you had ever written was somehow about me. When you and my sister were getting along and she used to go see your band play at bars. She told me that everything was about me. She claimed how disturbing it was to know the songs were about me,” he dies off looking away from me to continue speaking as if he is ashamed, “I am so worried the media is going to find us and has a field day with our lives.”

  I laugh at him, “I use a stage name and concealed my look. No one will ever notice it is me.” He looks at me hoping that I am right. Then, he finishes washing my hair and helps from the tub.

  He walks into the kitchen area to the table and sits down. I follow him sitting across from him and we are looking at each other. He looks over at my glass and he notices that I am out of wine. He gets up to get the bottle of wine from the counter and he pours me more into my glass. He just stands there for a moment before returning to his chair to sit. He looks at me with a confused look. “I cannot understand one word it is that you are screaming in those songs.”

  I laugh feeling the alcohol is making me very bold. I get up and walk over to the shelves. I pull the CD insert out of the case. I walk slowly, looking down at it studying it. I am dressed and covered on the CD cover. I begin to worry if I am making the right play showing it to him. I stand above him and strategically place it upside down. I go to my seat and sit while I am watching him so closely. First thing he does is flips it over to look at the CD cover art. He places both elbows on the table to lean down to look at it. His hand are on each side of his head propping himself up. He is gripping his hair like he wants to pull it and scream.

  He looks up at me. I can see the anger in his eyes and his face is flushed red. He jumps up from the table walking heavily into the kitchen like he is stamping his feet. He is pulling out another bottle of wine and banging things around to open it. He walks back to the table and starts to pour me another glass, I signal with my hand not too. He swipes my hand away and pours the wine anyway. He returns to his chair, pours himself a glass and opens the CD insert.

  He is looking straight at me. “Why is Chris coming?”

  I softly speak, “My father said he needs more material for another CD.”

  Ryan’s one eyebrow shoots up, “Have you been writing more songs for him?”

  I smile cockily taking a gulp of wine, “I have years and years of songs that I have written. We never put it to music though until just recently. You did encourage me to go back to my music. That I needed an outlet for my pain.”

  He just glares at me. He leans down to the CD insert and begins to read the lyrics. I watch him turn the pages flipping back and forth. I cross my arms on the table laying my head on them. I glance over at him. He is still reading, shaking his head and running his fingers in his hair. I close my eyes and fall asleep at the table.

  I feel his hand on my shoulder; I stir and open my eyes. He speaks pretty loudly at me, “Go to bed, Livi.” I close my eyes again. I hear him grunt then he pulls me up. He picks me up carrying me off to my bed. He places me down and I roll to my side still in a sleepy haze. He sits on the edge of the bed. He looks at me moving strands of my hair away from my face, “Livi, what I am going to do with you?” I move my arm out toward him placing my hand on his thigh. He puts his hand on mine turning his head to speak, “It was one thing when you were singing in dive bars. Now, with the world hearing and apparently liking your provocative songs about our life, our sex life, our problems and our pain, I just do not know how to deal with this now. What will we do if anyone finds out it is you? Our lives will be ruined, and the controversy? Two middle aged suburban lawyers living in Jersey with crazy secret lives. I can just hear it now.”

  I rub his thigh, “No one will ever find out it is me, and plus, would it really be so bad being the husband of a rock star?”

  He laughs, “I do not fit the role. I have no tattoos or nose rings.”

  I lean in closer, “You could learn. I will have Chris coach you,” I finish my sentence with a laugh.

  Ryan is silent for a few moments and then he grabs my hand, “Livi, take me back to your dark side. It has been way too long and with reading your lyrics I realize I miss it. I need it now, please. Tie me down and beat me into submission. I need it, please…”

  Before Ryan could finish his sentence, I reach up grabbing a fist full of hair pulling him down into the bed while biting his shoulder. I stand up to begin to remove his clothes. I
look around my room noticing that I do not have anything to tie him down with in here. I pointing to him and speak firmly, “Stay.” I run outside around to the underneath of the house and find two ropes. I go back to the bedroom placing the ropes down on the bed. I light candles and turn out the lights. I tie each one of his ankles to the corners of the bed floor base while he is attempting to touch me. I have to keep turning to slap his hands away off my body. I push him down again on the bed. I tie the rope end to the other base in the front head board area. He is fighting me, not allowing me to tie his hands. I pull his hair lowering my head biting his nipple. He lets out a gasp and stops fighting me. I stop biting him. I get his hands bound over his head binding the other end down. I test the ropes to confirm that he can’t move. He is talking smut at me, craning his neck up from the pillow. I sit on the edge of the bed putting my hand around his throat using my other hand to pull his hair. I pull the pillow out from under his head and place my hand around his throat again. I lean in kissing his mouth as he tries to control the kiss. I pull away from him biting his chin applying more force until he stops squirming. I release my teeth moving to kiss his lips so tenderly. I grip his hair to pull his head back until his neck is exposed to me. I start kissing suckling at his neck. He lets out a moan and starts talking again. I sit up slapping his face hard. I place my hand to the red spot on his face that I made caressing it. I am looking down at him as I let my nails scratch his chest moving back and forth. He squirms again. I grab a handful of his skin with my nails until he feels the pain and remains still.

  I speak firmly, “You are out of practice. You need to control yourself or I will continue to hurt you. Now close your eyes and do not open them at all,” giving him his orders. I tease him with my tongue all over his chest making my way down to his erection. I am slowly running my tongue over him then he moans out. I pinch him looking up at him, “Shut up and keep your eyes closed.” I resume what I was doing. I take him in my mouth allowing my teeth to graze him. He squirms pulling at his ropes. I stop him by digging my nails into him without stopping my movement.

  I sit back up getting on top of him. I lean over grabbing the candle in my hands. Then I lower myself on to his erection. I slowly pour candle wax on to his chest. His eye pop wide open as he screams. He squirms to try to move away.

  He pleadingly speaks out to me, “Livi, please be carefully with that wax, please baby.” I quickly put the candle down on the table slapping him twice across the face with the back of my hand. I see his lip start to bleed. I get up off him. Standing up, I lean over picking up my bikini top that I wore all day. I sit back on the bed and he turns his head away from me. Grabbing his hair turning his head to face me and I lick off the small drip of blood kissing him softly. I lift my hand to his face shoving my bikini top in his mouth.

  I look down at him all wide eyed and speak, “You will never try to stop me from anything that I want to wear again.” I pick up the candle again and he is thrashing around on the bed trying to plead with me while shaking his head no. He is trying to move away twisting his body. I sit on his legs pouring wax down his navel blowing on it to cool it down rapidly. I pour more getting extremely close to his limpness. He is screaming through my top. I blow on the wax again. Placing the candle down, I slowly lick him until he is erect again.

  I climb onto him slowly roll my hips. He has his head turned to the side looking away from me. I lean down and grab his hair in my hands turning his head to look at me. I remove the bikini top from his mouth placing soft kisses around his lips. He doesn’t attempt to try to kiss me. I sit up and continue to roll my hips. He starts to turn his head to the side. I put my hand around his throat to move his head back holding it there. I move quicker breathing rapidly. I am looking him right in the eyes as he returns the stare. He begins to moan as I tighten my grip around his neck. I ride him deeper and faster. I am climaxing moaning out his name. He arches his back while grunting and moaning out his climax. I release falling on to his chest. We are both breathing erratically.

  Once I gain some strength, I push off of him standing up. I begin to remove the ropes when see tears streaming down his face. I hastily remove the rest of the ropes. He grabs his wrists rubbing them. I snuggle up alongside him kissing away his tears. I see that his lip is swollen. I speak up to him, “Sorry, I should have not back handed you,” I kiss his lip.

  He wipes away his tears speaking slowly, “Am I that bad? Am I over the top with trying to control you? The bikini stuff really made you angry. I could see it in your eyes and you hated me in that moment. But, why did you take it further? I was so scared.”

  I looked at him confused, “You are very controlling and you better get over it. People are always going to look at me. I am so sorry I hit you.”

  “I wish you were not such an open book about your feelings and sexuality, but I get it. It is you. But Livi, it is not the slaps. I get it, I deserved that. It was the wax; you promised me in the emergency room that you would never put hot wax down there again when you burned me the last time. Livi, I was scared you were going to burn me again.”

  I let out a laugh, “Sorry, you are right. But that night was kind of your fault. You wouldn’t listen. You squirmed when I was pouring. You learned to stay perfectly still this time.”

  He shakes his head, “Something tells me that you are going to continue with your evil ways to have your way with me.”

  I look up at him, “You wanted to be punished.” He just looks down at me and nods. He pulls me closer into his arms lightly caressing my back. I drift off in to a deep sleep.

  CHAPTER 13

  I wake up with the sunlight pouring in to the bed room, but Ryan is not in bed with me. I look at the clock to see the time. I slept in really late. I stretch as I climb out of bed. Walking out of the bedroom, I notice that Ryan is not around anywhere. I see a note on the table.

  Good morning sleepy head,

  I will be at the Cantina setting up the Internet hot spot. Drink coffee, set up your damn Skype account “please” and walk down to the Cantina when you are ready. You’re an evil queen!

  Love your,

  Submissive King

  I let out a laugh knowing he is referencing my CD. I get ready then I sit on the couch drinking my coffee. I think to myself about how last night went. I felt pretty good about his reaction. Now I just have to think of a way to wean him onto the music videos. He is going to kill me, but I have to tell him soon.

  I hear a noise at the door and I jump up. Parker is talking into the door. He opens it allowing himself in. I look at him startled, “Hey Parker.”

  He is studying my face. Looking all over my body then he looks me in the eyes as he walks closer to me. “Are you alright?” I look at him oddly moving away from him since he is too close. I walk to the kitchen to pour more coffee pointing to it and he nods yes. He keeps staring at me, “I saw Ryan this morning. He has a swollen purplish lip. I asked him how he got it and he said you back handed him a few times last night.”

  I laugh out handing Parker his coffee, “I am fine, see?”

  He touches my shoulder, “Were you fighting? Did he offend you or hurt you?”

  I look at him surprised, “No, nothing like that. I just dropped a bomb on him and he is confused trying to work it out in his head.”

  Parker puts down his coffee cup to the side of the counter. With both of his hands, he cups my face leaning down kissing me deeply. I kiss him back then I push him away. I am breathing heavily as I look at him and his unshaven face. I reach up touching his jaw. I slide my hand to feel his stubble. He looks down at me with hooded hazel eyes biting his bottom lip. He grabs me by my waist lifting me up to sit on the counter top so I can meet his eyes more easily. He slowly moves closer to me then taking me in a kiss again. I am running my fingers through his hair down to his broad shoulders. I pull back pushing him away. I jump down from the countertop walking to the other side of the kitchen table.

  I start speaking, “Parker, this is wrong. You are
confused. I love my husband and always have.”

  He shakes his head no. “He is not nice. You are in denial. I want to take care of you and treat you the way you are supposed to be.”

  I laugh, “Parker you do not even know the real me and what I am all about. Katie is sick right now and she is confused. She filled your head with trash. Do not get me wrong, you are extremely temptingly sexy and sweet. But, you do not fit my build and sweet is not what I need.”

  He looks confused, “Katie is right, he has you brainwashed with his abuse. I can see how you feel about me in your eyes.”

  I snort out a laugh, “Parker, I am the abusive one. What you see in my eyes is lust not love. I am sorry I led you on. Believe me when I tell you that you do not want to find out about my love. It will make your cringe and run the first time I hurt you. So do not make waves for Ryan and me. He loves me as I am and accepts that I am very dark inside.”

  Parker stares at me looking for words when I hear my daddy voice by the door. He walks in, “Well put, Olivia.” Then he turns to look at Parker, “I knew you ran up here after seeing Ryan’s lip. Trust her when she tells you that you don’t really know her. She would chew you up and spit you out, literally. You run off now boy.” Parker keeps looking from me to my father walking backwards to leave.

  I look shyly at my daddy speaking softly, “Daddy how long were you standing there at the door?” He winks at me, “Since the second he told you about Ryan’s lip. I was not sure if I had to intervene or not. You handled it, but you should not have let him get that close to you, giving in to your urges. I think he would have run off though the second you got wicked with him.”